"Many people believe that postpartum depression is fairly rare. Actually, 15-20% of new moms – about 1 million women in the US each year – experience these illnesses, and some studies report that the number may be even higher. It is quite common. In fact, it is the number one complication of childbirth. You are not alone."(http://postpartumprogress.typepad.com/)
I told myself when I started this blog that I would post the "sunny day" stuff about me and my girls for a while before I got to the "cloudy day" stuff. For those of you who know me, I don't follow many rules including my own. I'm not going to go into any detail about my feelings and thoughts of hurting myself and my children. I need this account to be light-hearted, for my own sake. (disclaimer: the following myths are developed from my personal experience and I do not assume they are myths for anyone else.)
Myth #1 PPD occurs after the birth of a child or during the first year.
I have been suffering from ppd since late 2004. I was 12 weeks pregnant when I experienced my first symptom of ppd. I remember the feeling of being completely out of control as if it happened yesterday. It was Christmas day 2004(I hate Christmas!) and I was getting dressed for the usual festivities at the in-laws. Being 12 weeks pregnant, I felt fat, ugly, and there was an intense feeling of losing control of my whole life lingering in the dark alley of my mind. The panic slowly crept up as I was trying to put on mascara (cause make-up covers the truth). I felt it coming, but I was a pro at denying the truth, so I held it back. I learned very quickly that the illness is stronger than your denial. BAM! Full on panic attack! My panic attacks realize as uncontrollable rage. Have you ever experienced someone addicted to steroid use? 'Roids rage? Well, that is the picture you should conjure up...a chubby, 12 week pregnant woman with 'roids rage!! It's not pretty. I was throwing things, punching things, screaming, and crying. I was a hysterical mess. We were late to Christmas....I hate Christmas!
Myth #2 The symptoms of ppd usually dissipate or go away completely after the first year.
My daughters are 2 and 4 years old and I am still suffering from bouts of ppd. However, the symptoms come less frequently, I have fewer mood swings, and I feel more in control of my anger than I have in years. My case is more than likely different from others, due to the fact that I also have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). This lovely hormone imbalance disorder causes a large array of unfortunate symptoms for me, including hirsutism (unwanted facial hair), uncontrollable feelings of anger/rage, and insulin-resistance. When I was diagnosed, the female doctor stated she had only seen testosterone levels like mine in 13 yr old boys! AWESOME!!! I remember laughing at her and asking her if I was going to grow a penis anytime soon. She didn't laugh. So, the pcos either exacerbates or prolongs the ppd symptoms...who knows? There hasn't been enough research done on either condition (which goes for most female disorders) so the relationship between the two is just a guessing game.
Myth #3 Pharmaceutical drugs are the only means to relieving symptoms.
I am happy to report that I am no longer on SSRI's or hormone replacement therapies. This is not due to the recommendation of a health care professional (read: I'm going against my doctor's orders), but due to the successful implementation of alternative therapies. I'm not saying that others who suffer from these conditions need to stop their meds, and create their own alternative prescription. I rarely recommend anyone make the same choices I do. I am merely sharing my own experience and what is working for me. Since moving onto alternative therapies, such as herbal/whole food supplements (5-HTP, spirulina), massage therapy, yoga, and talk therapy (with my dear friends) I have noticed increased levels of seratonin. Seratonin is the neurotransmitter that aids in the regulation of mood, appetite, sleep, muscle contraction, and some cognitive functions including memory and learning. It is also known to be depleted significantly by abnormally high levels of testosterone in the body.
I don't mean to sound disrespectful when I make jokes or laugh about these illnesses. Choosing to laugh and not take everything so seriously is my way of staying sane, you can't blame me, right?! My girlfriends and I have coined it as "Loving the suck!" Since I have chosen to embrace my demons and love the suck, I have finally felt as if I have been freed from the cage.
I have a condition, it doesn't have me.
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